The Morning Bun: Quick blurbs with a fresh take on our young professional lives that we would probably share over mimosas…if it were not a weekday.
A common question some people ask me is what to say when you hear early on while you’re dating someone a few scary words: “Just so you know, I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” It’s certainly no slouch of a phrase to say, and immediately may cause a couple internal gasps, a bathroom break, and a string cheese from the fridge. Things were going so well, you think, then this explosion of a bombshell. Well, it happened, and it’s hard to make sense of it. While on one side, you respect it. You’re telling me where I stand and not playing the passive aggressive BS we hear from time-to-time. I respect it, reminds me of my not-so-passive aggressive home on the East Coast, and gives me something to work with. THANK YOU!
But on the other side, you start questioning everything. Well, if she really thinks that, then what’s the point? Why would I continue with something doomed to draw me in deeper and potentially hurt me more? Or maybe she’s in denial? Or being defensive? Contradictory? Facetious? Ridiculous? Funny? And so on. See, you don’t have the faintest clue what is in her mind at the time and that makes this hard to deal with.
This happened for me before my last relationship started. The initial drawback happened, it was tough, and I moved on. Then, she reached back out genuinely with regret, eager to try to make us work, and how she now appreciated the potential. It worked, we got back together (even though I mentioned the flip-flops gotta stop), and it turned into a great experience. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one second-guessing.
I think it really can go either way, sometimes, people are kind, honest people, who generally don’t want you to get your hopes up. Then, there are others who may just be scared, understandably, because well, relationships, are a HUGE deal. You’re literally sharing your life, bed, Panasonic toothbrush, room temperature choice and Netflix & chill suggestions with them. One of those alone would freak anyone out used to being single or just got out of a relationship — yup, pretty much everyone. If this is the case, you just have to be empathetic and try to make it work. Keep the fire going for a few more weeks, Netflix & Chill at least two more times, go out with each other’s friends, hit up an EDM concert or two…and then, whenever your “then” is, if it’s still the same situation, and you want someone all in, it’s important to move on, as hard as that might be (find good friends who see the situation objectively).
Just give it a chance…