The Morning Bun: Quick blurbs with a fresh take on our Yuppie lives that we would probably share over mimosas…if it were not a weekday.
It’s always the same sad tale when I take an Uber. I stand in the middle of the street falsely flagging down three separate Ubers. Checking the license plate of the Toyota Prius (usually silver) pulling up, I finally see a winner. This one is mine.
I get into the Uber, almost always diagonal from the driver, and almost always opening the window for fresh air (depending on the time of night, the Aux cord). Oh, right I’m also in a rush, again always (okay, slightly less of a rush now that I live in California, but still anxiously lowering the window every five seconds).
I glance up at the Uber driver to see which magic map appears on his smartphone screen after swiping right to begin the ride. This is what technology was made for. This is the moment of truth. The question: Will it be a black or blue logo? Heck, I’ll even take a green, red, and blue logo (Google Maps).
Sure enough, it’s the former, the behemoth Uber’s map system that shows up. A pathetic excuse for a Map app, or as I like to call it, a #firstworldproblem. I sigh, the Uber driver grunts, and away we go.
Do I do it? Do I interrupt the driver with magic words? Are they words of aggresion or laissez-faire? Better yet, which coastal tone do I go with?
Me (back on the East Coast): Seriously? Could you download Waze? I’m in a bit of a rush.
Me (California version):
Side Note: I may need a follow up post exploring the reason for said East Coast / West Coast irritated response discrepancies.
Of course, I meet in the middle with a Midwestern nod: “Excuse me, do you have Waze?” He immediately responds with a pre-rehearsed tone (sounds like he’s been through this before), “No, I do not.”
The naysayers are going crazy right about now: “Dude, Waze doesn’t make a difference. Okay, maybe max three minutes.” Even if the margin was three minutes, 180 seconds (it’s much greater), there are way too many possibilities in that span of time for me to even type out.
Of course, I’m shocked but more importantly, I’m ignored. I’m ignored! My desire, better yet my destiny, to arrive at the destination (probably a bar) in due time is flat-out wronged.
Why, Uber driver, must you put us through the misery? Stop using your Android phone as an excuse; Waze is on iOS’s step-brother. Stop using ______ as an excuse: it takes the same amount of time downloading Waze as it does Uber (actually, it’s probably even shorter post strange Uber update).
For the life of me, I just don’t get it. The Yuppie in me writes this blog post, the Californian in me passively addresses the situation, the Human in me despairs into twice the amount of Happy Hour drinks I needed (yes, two).
This is not what my driver deserved. It’s certainly not what I deserved. This is not what we deserve.
Pray for blue.